Living Off Memories

“Goodbye” is such a simple word. For a word so simple, it has many meanings. Sometimes, there is excitement for the next time you’ll see someone behind these words. Other times, there is a sense of relief for finally being done. Or, as in my case, there is the sorrow of knowing you may never see someone’s face again.

Before coming to Cambodia, life carried on the only way I knew it. Now, I can’t imagine life without the second family I have made on the other side of the world. Life without daily hugs from my sisters Srey Pich and Srey Mey, or daily tickle fights with my brother Niroon, is unimaginable now that I’ve had the pleasure of meeting so many beautiful children.

In Nicaragua, I ended my final blog by saying I had left half my heart with the children at Escuela Especial. I now know that there is always more of your heart to give, just as there is always more to learn. As much as I wish I could take my second family back to the nature-filled mountains of Vail, I know such things are impossible. So from here on out, I will live off of the memories these children have given me. I will look back on the time we danced in the rain, when the children first welcomed us to the orphanage, and even the tears that we shed when saying goodbye, and I will smile. I will smile because it happened, and that is something to be grateful for.

Defining Hope

What is hope? Hope is a word we’ve all known since we were toddlers. I used to associate the word with desires and wants such as: I “hope” I get a role in my musical or I “hope” I get an A on my test. However, a teacher at the school said something that entirely changed my idea of the word.

In between classes, a teacher by the name of Jaam Ra told me that she “teaches because she hopes a good education can make many lives better.” After that sentence, I no longer see things such as the desire to get a part in a musical or get an A on a test as genuine hope. If I want a role in my musical, I need to put in the effort to have a good audition; if I want an A on my test, I better study. These are just 2 examples of things that were under my control all along.

I now believe that genuine hope is not associated with desires or wants, but with needs. In Cambodia, I have met children who have as close to nothing as it gets. They were born into poverty and now own hardly anything more than a few clothes, a bright mind, and a shining smile. They didn’t choose to be born into their current circumstances. They have no control over where they are now. So what do they do? They go to school to practice their english, and they hope. They hope that tomorrow will somehow be better than today, and that the seemingly endless cycle of poverty will be broken.

That, is genuine hope.

Learning Happiness

Colorful roofs. That’s the first thing I noticed when I arrived in Cambodia. Everywhere you look there are red and blue roofs. That’s why it came as a shock to me when I first saw the gray walls of S21. The dull color of the walls match the grim truth of what happened there about 40 years ago. Once a high school, S21 was converted into a prison during the Khmer Rouge. It was a place used for torturing innocent people that Pol Pot, the leader of the Khmer Rouge, saw as a threat to modern times. These people included anyone thought to be an intellectual. People were arrested just for wearing glasses or having soft skin. Of the thousands of S21 victims, only 12 survived. Walking through the very rooms that were used for such inhumane events made my heart go out to those who died, as well as those who are still alive and recovering. This visit made me realize why Cambodia is where it is today and why I came to help.

After our trip, we went to the orphanage. I looked into the innocent, welcoming eyes of the children and then looked around at all the trash. Something about it just didn’t match up to me. These children deserve better, and the fact that I can help them, whether that be through teaching or manual labor, is a blessing. These trips don’t just benefit the children we work with, they benefit us too. In Nicaragua, the children were able to show me a new part of myself, a new way of life, and a new perspective. They taught me more in that week than I would have ever learned in a lifetime without them. In the same way, the children at the orphanage and schools have already made me realize so much about myself and the world around me.

While teaching the pre-schoolers, I realized I had more patience than I ever thought and I rediscovered my ability to maintain a positive attitude. While cleaning out the back of the stage, I learned that I have more perseverance than I knew and I can mentally take on more than I expected. While playing in the rain with the children at the orphanage, I learned that happiness is a choice, and you can make that choice any time on any day. That’s why today, after cleaning trash out of a dirt pit for almost 6 hours, when I was hot, filthy, and tired, I was happier than ever.  I can already feel the permanent imprint these children are leaving on my heart, the least I can do is do everything in my power to make their lives easier in any way possible. By doing that, I just might be able to change their lives forever.

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the one’s that do.” -Steve Jobs.